Monday, September 13, 2004

Rejection Letter Rejection

Have you ever been rejected, fired, or generally PO'd to the point you wanted to write a scathing, irrational, and totally over-the-top flame to someone? If you have, I'd love to read it, please post your letter or a link to it as a comment to this post. No worries-- its very therapeutic...

You have the nerve to reject my work of ART? Based on what, you penile-implanted media whore? You wouldn’t know subtle word choice if I applied a strong electric current to your vestigial testicles while reading the Illiad out loud with a megaphone. Just because it takes a hand pump and handfuls of blue pills to get blood moving toward your shrunken extremities, there are many readers who appreciate my delicate wit and spare pronouns. When you were a child, assuming you were not spawned by wolves or jackasses, I imagine the nuns forcing you to hold dictionaries at arms length, rightously punishing you for your blatant stupidity-- a moot lesson wasted on thick skull bone, but at least explaining your aversion to creative sequences of words. In your permanantly arrested adolesence you confuse pith for ruffage, you confuse tight for titillating, you confuse high concept for low brow. Years—many, many years from now—when your karma has risen from the level of sewer rat to that of garbage-eating stray dog, you may have the ability to decipher the profundities in the black marks on white paper that I supplied you. If only I had known I was sending the embodiment of my craft, the vessel of my incarnate being, into the lower bowels of Hell otherwise known as your in-box, I could have saved this subsequent arrow aimed straight at your tiny Grinch-like heart for a more worthy opponent. But seeing you have a soul of foul mist, no literary arrow, no matter how carefully aimed, can strike anything but the slime-on-concrete you leave in your wake. Thus, I shall end this futile assault upon the crack in the earth from which you crawled fully winged, secure in the knowledge that eventually your forked tongue will become obvious to the masses and they will rise against you as an angry mob, throwing you back into the fire of your most unfortunate origination.