Tuesday, September 14, 2004

These people ought to be fired

The person that designed elevator buttons so that the more you push them, the faster the elevator comes.

The person that keeps putting blinker switches in cars. No one uses blinkers anymore, didn’t you get the memo? You’re obsolete. Go invent a device that prevents a car from turning on if the driver is over 90.

The person that designed the Tivo remote control. It’s slow, glitchy, and overly directional…like a remote from the 70’s except not square.

The person that determined the freezing point of ice cream. It’s either so hard it bends the spoon or it melts all over the place.

The person that designed those foil pull tops used on yogurt, applesauce, etc. First you have to find the little bit of extra foil edge that you can pull on. Once grasped, they’re easy to pull until that last little bit, which takes incredible force to get loose, causing the stuff inside to project outside. Aim away from yourself.

The person that invented ‘popcorn’ ceiling plaster. It’s gross and it’s a pain in the arse to get rid of.

The person that decides how sticky plastic food wrap should be. Keep working on it, it’s still not right.

The person that decided all forks should be right-handed. Lefties are always the forgotten minority.

The person that designed those toilet paper dispensers they use in public restrooms. The ones with the huge rolls of paper you can see through clear plastic, but no observable way of getting the paper to come out.

The guy that invented Spam. Both email spam and the animal parts kind. I hate you.

The person that designed the Nokia nGage. You have to take the battery out to put in a game. And it looks like a Taco. A Beef Supreme I think.

The person that invented those fakey cubicle walls. There’s nothing so demeaning as being penned up by short little midget fake walls. You know I can jump over them any time I want. I can get out, you can’t make me stay here…you can’t!